My journey....

hello ~ it's been so long I didn't end up updating my blog. i'm totally stressed out! I have to find an university for my future studies and my future life of course. Unfortunately, i had a nightmare right now because of my biggest fear! IT FREAKS ME OUT ! so, my first biggest fear is whether my score will be qualified in any university that i choose, i felt so sad if they said no.. and the worse thing is i may get depress of it *my parents inherited that kind of personality to the two kids... how pity i am*. 

this is the tough time of the year... I have to face the national exam, GCE A Level ,drawing lesson so that i can draw the sketch better as i'm a professional interior design and the most important thing is IELTS! I really need to accomplish my english as lightning as possible, and i'm doing it by reading the article in english, watching movies in english which also makes my listening better and better. If i failed, that score will haunt me around my life, and i have to do it again.. what a shame to know that.. and i hope i didn't make my parent a shame of me.. 

okay, that's maybe the first problem, and now the second problem, the score band to go to the university, at least at 6.5 ! WHAT THE FUCK ! HOW I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS EASY AS YOU GET A POPCORN ?! urgh tough time right?? then my second biggest fear is i can't go to the university due to the financial problem, all of these things makes me wanna cry so badly.. and well i partially felt the worst horrible past of my life until now i still feel the aura and condition.. and it makes me realize that i have to find the way out and the idea that comes to my mind .... SCHOLARSHIP! when my mind think about that... I'm wondering of myself in the sky, could i achieve a scholarship? since all my parents thinks that i'm stupid and even all of my teachers!

In some ways, i tried to beat my friend achievements, because she's the favourite students in the school for all teachers, and i feel that i'm stupid if i'm around her, even she can be called as the smartest student in the school ! she's the jack of all trade... how about me?? i'm useless, stupid, they think i never study, especially my business teacher, i think she hate me so much.. i don't know why.. but then, when i saw the other side, yea, truthly, she's good, she always get the best score *partially if i don't tell or help her the answers, she'll get a bit low than anyone expected about her* and everyone love her! she's like the celebrity of all guy and dude.. i feel jealous sometime.. :( 

So, then i realize of what so good about being the favourite and so on, i'll better be a good friend of her, it's just totally good already, i know i'm mean, stupid, but i'm not what everyone think ! they judge me wrongly because they don't know me better as much as i know this girl and my other friends... so then.. i'll just want to be focus and do the hard work as i can do the best ! let this go with the flow like a hot lava.. :D i want to prove to all the teachers that i can be a better students than last years! since this is the last year of me being in  the school.... oh god, help me to make everything work !